


A sinner's haven

by adorkabledean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Smut, Therapist Dean Winchester, Therapy, conversion therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 08:31:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18656770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorkabledean/pseuds/adorkabledean
Summary: Castiel always plays by the rules. He is a good citizen, a friendly neighbor and a dutiful husband. There is only one sin he must attone for. It all goes as planned, until he meets Dean Winchester.His conversion therapist.





	A sinner's haven

**Author's Note:**

> huge thanks to @violetdean for helping me out! This is going to be my first fic in a long while so i hope u guys enjoy it, i'd love to hear what you think! also excuse me if there's any mistakes, i know i make a lot of them with tenses but english isn't my native and i try my hardest

Cas squinted his eyes as the sun peeked through the blinds of his window. He shivered under the covers, bed hair striking everywhere.

“Morning darling.” The familiar voice of his wife trying to wake him up.

This whole marriage seemed a bit rushed. Cas and Amelia had known each other for only two years and been married for one. They met through mutual friends, on a picnic that they had organized. Castiel’s friends have been telling him he needs a girlfriend since they all had one and they didn’t want him to feel left out or alone. Castiel has always felt alone. Yes, he had his friends and he loved them but coming back home and  having no one to talk to about his day made him feel miserable. His mother passed away when he was ten and his Dad didn’t really pay any attention to his son. He was an alcoholic, drinking until he fell asleep every night, blaming himself for the death of his wife.

“It’s too early for this Amelia” Said Cas with a deep, sleepy voice.

“The meeting is at 11am Cas, and it’s 10 right now” Amelia bent down to give her husband a kiss on the cheek. “I will make some breakfast while you get ready” Cas forced a smile.

He didn't want to go to that meeting. A business meeting at Amelia’s work place that Cas apparently has to attend. His phone buzzed and he saw a message from his friend Zack. Cas has known Zack since they were children. He was Castiel’s rock when his mom passed away. They were together all the time and the blue eyed kid always loved seeing his friend. Until they grew older, Zack found a girlfriend and Cas was left alone with his feelings, wondering if what he had been feeling was wrong.

 ** _“Can’t wait to see u on that stupid meeting dude. Gonna be aces, huh”_** Cas grinned and started typing back until he saw another message pop up.

 **“ _Seriously cannot believe we have to attend this. I mean what are we even gonna do? Still surreal our wives work at one place tho, isn’t that crazy, and how long has it been again, captain? Like five years or something?”_** Cas let out a small laugh. Zack picked out the name captain because Castiel was a big fan of captain America. And Cas didn’t mind at all.

 ** _“Uh yeah can’t wait to see u too, been a long time.”_** Cas replied and put his phone back on the night stand next to him.

He forced himself out of the bed, put on the suit his wife had prepared for him and made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“I made your favourite” Amelia said shining a big smile at her husband while putting a plate full of pancakes in front of him. “Hurry up though because we are going to be late”

Cas’ mouth was full of pancakes and he could barely open his mouth. “Okay, okay calm down it’s going to be fine.”

 

* * *

 

“Why did you say I have to be here again?” Cas said, his eyebrows coming together.

Amelia let out a sigh “It’s going to be fun honey. It’s like a get-to-know your colleagues kind of thing, like a party more than a meeting. It will be fun, you will see.”

A thought appeared in Cas’ mind. “The only fun I’m going to see is Zack after all those years.”

Castiel and Amelia walked into a big room, holding hands. The room was full of people, none of which Cas recognized and apparently Zack hadn’t arrived yet. There were drinks and food on their left, a stand full of what seems to be folded notes to their right (Cas assumed they are questions of some kind) - a scene straight ahead of them and some chairs in front of it.

Amelia introduced Cas to pretty much all the colleagues that were there. It was clear that Cas wasn’t having much fun and his wife was mostly annoyed at him for it, nudging him and asking him to smile more and be a bit more polite.

Cas felt a light tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see his long childhood friend.

“Zack!” Cas shined a big smile at him, drawing him into a hug that seemed to last much longer that it actually did. “Damn, good to see you, you’ve changed so much.”

“Not sure I can say the same Castiel, you look almost identical. Kind of creepy, actually.” Zack let out a laugh, smiling back at Cas. “Hey, meet my wife Emily. Emily this is Cas, Cas this is Em, my beautiful wife.”

A weird feeling occured in Cas but he thinks nothing of it. “Pleased to meet you missus.”

“And I assume this is Amelia, right? Nice to meet you.”  Zack flashed a smile at her and she and Zack’s wife quickly wander off to somewhere, leaving their husbands to make up for the years.

There it is again. That feeling. The feeling Cas was afraid to ever feel again. Towards a man. Maybe it was because he was close with Zack like he hadn’t been with anyone else. Maybe it was just a brotherly-like feeling, a different kind of love. But you wouldn’t want to kiss your brother…right?

Zack has been talking about his life for what seems like an hour and Cas had just been staring at his bright pink lips, brown eyes and dimples, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath while trying to suppress the feelings that had been eating him. _Castiel, you have a wife. A beautiful wife, with whom life seems a bit less lonely._ \- Cas shakes these feelings off of his mind.

“Anyway enough rambling about me, I’m just really glad you found someone, Cas. And I’m happy we got to meet again after all this time and you know… catch up I guess.” Zack says, waving his hand around. “And uh hopefully see you more, now that I know your wife works with mine.”

“Yes, I uh, I hope so too, Zack.” Said Cas, a bit hesitantly. He wondered if it’s even a good idea for him and Zack to be in the same room.

“What’s up, are you okay?”

“Oh yeah,  I’m good, don’t worry.”  Cas tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, a weird habit he’d pick up since the passing of his mother.

 

* * *

 

Castiel met a few other employees, pretty much everyone to be exact. The whole crew and their families were talking, laughing and having a good time. Amelia called out for a girl named Olivia asking her to take a picture of her and her husband together with Zack and Emily. The women settled up front, Zack and Cas close behind them. Zack put an arm around Cas’ shoulders, sending shivers down his spine. He put his arm around Zack’s waist. Right then and there Cas was imagining it was just them two. Just them two taking a picture. Just them two having their hands around each other, building up the tension that has been built now, just them two. Cas couldn't stand these thoughts anymore. He needed to get away from this room, this building. Away from Zack.

Olivia snapped a few pictures and Cas lets go of Zack, turning to his wife.

“Amelia can we go? I don’t feel that well and I think I could use some rest right now.” Letting out a sigh, Castiel tugged at his shirt.

“Ah yeah of course, we’ve been here for two hours anyway” Amelia said, looking at her phone.

Both families shared their goodbyes but Cas barely looks at Zack at the time being. He just wanted—had to get out of there.

 

* * *

 

Cas was laying under the covers on his bed, wearing boxers and a t-shirt. His wife had gone out for groceries and some medicine, since Castiel was feelings “sick”. Cas couldn’t stop thinking about today. About his best childhood friend. The feelings he once felt were back and he was scared. He didn’t know what to do. Why couldn’t he feel that way towards his wife? The one person that has been by his side the last two years. No matter how hard he tried to he couldn’t stop thinking about Zack. The way his lips moved as he talked, the way his dimples showed every time he smiled. The way his hands moved, the way he touched Castiel and the way that touch made him feel.

He grabbed his phone, searched some porn site and found himself staring at the _gay category_ for way too long. _What am I doing? Is there something wrong with me?_ When he finally clicked it he was already sweating, licking his lips nervously.

He opened the first one he saw. One of the guys was on his knees, gently sucking off his boyfriend’s cock. Cas could already feel the tightness in his boxers. The back of his mind was still telling him that what he was doing was wrong but he didn’t care about it right now. He just needed to release that tension. His eyes were focused on the guy’s dick and the way the blonde haired guy licked and devoured it.

Cas’ hand was on his dick moving slowly up and down at the pace the guy was swallowing his boyfriend’s. He was moaning, precome already leaking. He started to go up and down faster and faster, tilting his head back and closing his eyes—

“Honey are you sleeping?” The door was slightly opening, Amelia behind it.

 _Fuck._ Cas froze, unsure of what to do, as his wife approached him with raised eyebrows. He realized the porn was still playing.

“Castiel? W-what is this?” His wife said shaking, her voice trembling. She took the phone from his hands then threw it right back at him as soon as she realized what she saw.

“I’m so sorry Amelia I-just I-I’m sorry.” Cas was worried, his voice was soft, eyes barely looking up at his wife, his eyebrows clenched. “I will do anything I promise, I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He looked like he was about to cry.

“I see.” Amelia had managed to say, already crying. Cas didn’t dare to move or do anything, really. He was just sitting against the wall in his bed, eyes looking down and hand tugging at the covers.

“If there’s anything I can do-“

“There is.” Amelia cut him off. She stood as still as a statue, just the tears coming out of her eyes were the only sight of any energy left in her. “We are going to get you some help, okay? You want out of this right Cas? You want to be with me and be happy?”

“Amelia… yes. Of course I do” Cas said, mostly to being happy than anything else.

“Okay then.”

 

* * *

  

Cas woke up feeling nothing. His eyes were puffy from crying the whole night on the couch. He wanted all of this to just pass. Or for it to have never happened. He only agreed to Amelia’s offer because he loved her, she made him feel loved and not alone. Life was nice with someone around and he didn’t want to lose that. He pushed himself off the couch and into the bathroom. He didn’t have much energy and he felt helpless. He felt awful for last night. For causing so much pain to Amelia and he wanted to fix that. He splashed a handful of water onto his face, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked almost disgusted by the guy staring back at him.

The breakfast was awkward and they barely spoke to each other. Just the occasional “It’s going to be okay” from Amelia. Cas wasn’t even sure where he was going. Amelia had told him to pack some of his clothes and that he was going to be taken care of.

Amelia pulled up next to what seemed like a church, but not exactly. It was bigger. Way bigger. There were a few people walking in front of it, all greeting them. Cas was holding onto his bag as they walked through the doors and a huge corridor appeared in front of them. A man started approaching them, coming out of one of the big rooms to the right that seemed to have no door.

“Hello and welcome! You must be..?” The man asked, looking at Cas and taking him by surprise as he didn’t except such good looking men around here. _Castiel stop._

“Castiel. I’m Castiel Novak.” Said Cas, trying to keep his cool.

“Oh right, Castiel. And this must be your wife, Amelia?” He said, tracing his eyes to her and then back to Cas.

“I’m Dean. Dean Winchester… and I’m going to be your therapist.”


End file.
